People want love, romance

HARARE - Last week, I courted the ire of many readers when I dared speak out about promiscuous married women.

This subject did not go down well with many who believed that by calling a spade a spade I was indeed condoning sexual immorality.

The truth of the matter is that I personally believe it is wrong for people whether male or female to be cheating on their spouses.

I cannot wait for the day when as the Christian society that we are ,we will embrace Godly principles in our relationships as I earnestly believe that relationships rooted in Christ will stand the test of time.

But then again as a journalist, my role is to inform, educate and entertain and not to shove down my moral values and beliefs. My brief is simply that of promoting debate on matters of the heart.

When I write about married men or women cheating in their relationships I am not prescribing that as a solution but I am merely reporting it as I see it.

I am just, like the Daily News pay off line suggests; telling it like it is without fear or favour.

Just because I write on a subject that is very dear to you, does not mean that I am an expert because believe me; I have my struggles too.

Truth be told, half the time I do not know whether I am coming or going and at times I have really felt the urge to give up on love but some strong conviction deep within me keeps me believing that real love really and truly does exist!

I am actually a hopeless romantic who enjoys seeing people in love and enjoy their relationships. Love stories make my day every day and I even cry at weddings! Those who know me personally can testify to that.

So you see, just like you dear reader, the subject of relationships is very close to my heart and I would like to really find out why men are from Mars and women are from Jupiter.

Therefore, please join me on this journey of self-discovery because we are after all is said and done in this thing together.

We are all trying to understand what makes our loved ones behave in the manner in which they do and for us to get there we have to call it as it is.

We cannot continue to hide and sweep the issues of adultery and infidelity because they are a reality which we are faced with every day and my earnest belief is that we can only rid our society of this cancer if we call it by its name.

No sugar coating because only the truth will set us free.

That said, I would like to continue with a subject I briefly touched on last week where my friend suggested that often times when one marries, it is not for themselves but for the family.

A friend of mine who is having marital problems says that although the differences between him and his wife of 13 years are irreconcilable, divorce was out of the question.

This friend whom I will call Peter for the purposes of this discussion said he would rather keep a mistress on the side than divorce the mother of his four children.

“I have tried times without number to divorce my wife but my family will not hear of it,” Peter said.

Yet another friend who is in a loveless marriage said she would not leave her unfaithful husband because he provides for members of her family.

“I could never leave him, that would be pronouncing a death sentence on my sick mother and besides my brothers would kill me first before I leave him.” she said.

Such are the sad tales of today’s marriages.

But then again such tales are not unusual in the African set up as marriages are not about two individuals but are about the entire clan.

This way of life has served its purpose in the past as it used to keep the family together and is probably the reason why most people of my generation were not raised by single parents which is now common place today.

But then again most of our parent’s relationships were based on the ndinogarira vana vangu mentality and now people will easily opt out of marriages when they ‘fall out of love with each other.’

The presence of vana tete also used to give counselling which in turn built and cemented relationships but these norms, values and practices have changed and have been overtaken by kitchen or bridal parties.

For a while, these served their purposes as young brides-to-be were taught the values of marriage by older women.

However, there was no similar set up for the young grooms on how to handle the responsibilities of being a responsible husband. 

The closest people in a marriage set up now couples have are the hired aunts who charge an arm and a leg for their services.

These can be found anywhere from hair salons or on newspaper advertisements. But what I have observed is that these hired aunts only concentrate on the physical aspect of a relationship while neglecting the emotional bit.

What people out there really want is love and romance…the kind that gives you butterflies in the stomach.

The kind I’m sure incarcerated reggae artist Buju Banton sang about in his song I wanna be loved. The  kind where people love each other for who they are and give each other their hearts.

Buju also goes on to say that this love has no strings attached and I for one believe in the wisdom of this crooner’s words but then again, family can be a string attached to a marriage.



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