Why do we have unhappy marriages?

HARARE - Last week, I started a storm when I posed the question, are marriages fake institutions or are they simply outdated?

This innocent question created so much debate that I feel compelled to continue with the subject until there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

This column is not about marriages only as you shall discover in the coming weeks but relationships be they in marriage, polygamy, mistresses, divorces, single parents, sugar mummies and daddies, marital bliss and many more.

It is a discussion forum and everyone is welcome to make a contribution.

Judging from the responses this debate generated I am confident that a huge chunk of the people who are married would like to stay married but are not prepared to put in the hard work to maintain the covenant.

I have also learnt that some men would like to have their cake and eat it but that is not always possible. What I am trying to say is that some would like to remain married but maintain mistresses on the side.

This week, I was inundated with calls from married men who said polygamy should be legitimised because it was virtually impossible for the male species to have just one partner.

They told me in very clear language that men cannot be faithful even though they promise fidelity at the altar, and this they say does not exclude our Christian brothers.

I was however encouraged by the fact that some people out there are so passionate about upholding the sanctity of marriage because it is an institution founded by Christ. I couldn’t agree with them more.

What however baffles the mind is that if the majority of Zimbabweans are Christians, why are we having so many unhappy marriages? Why are the courts overwhelmed with divorce cases?

Up until now, I honestly believed that I was just one of the few people battling with issues around marriage but the following comments; which were harvested from the Daily News website reveal there is need to open debate on the subject of marriage and relationships:

The relationship between Christ and the Church is likened to a marriage, where Christ is the groom and the church is the bride.

So if one wants to see how they should relate to Christ, just look at a Godly marriage, the picture is right there.

However, because Satan does not want to see people in a right standing relationship with God, he distorts the picture of that relationship which is marriage.

That is why now this writer and many others are now questioning the authenticity of this institution, perhaps the only one that transcends culture.

That is why people in marriage behave in a way that does not portray marriage in the correct light.

That is why even the gay marriage movement is growing around the world. I’m not sure what the writer means by the phrase “discover who they are”, I just think that the social structures that existed in the communities to safeguard such institutions have weakened.

Might I add that this is the case in all cultures?

So, in Zimbabwean culture, the aunts and uncles who would ask the hard questions to young people no longer have as much of a forum or they just wait to speak at the bridal shower or some such event.

There is no impartation of values that comes from having a relationship and a natural mentorship which is not superficial. Some in the church are trying but others being such a bad example there too.

As one who is a follower of Christ, I believe that if the two parties in a marriage genuinely work on their relation with Christ as individuals then there is a good chance that the marriage relationship will work.

For those that do not follow Christ, as in everything else, I don’t know how they do it. Harare2294

I am sure this Thelma auntie is not married. Her thinking makes her seem like someone who has never been married and has been unlucky in love. While it comes with its own challenges, just like any other relationship even friendship, marriage is good and being in a successful one is an achievement. Ask God for your own marriage. Observer

It is indeed true that marriage is likened to the relationship between Christ and the church. Today, many Christian marriages do not reflect that as the demands made upon the wife by the men’s family makes one almost no better than a slave.

Marriages should be built upon love and respect other than a set of cultural rules which are no longer relevant in today’s society.

If men can accept women as their partners and love them without expecting them to do all the dirty work whilst they promote laziness and idleness, this will go a long way in women appreciating their husbands.

Women in turn should love and respect their husbands because this will also go a long way in establishing healthy marriages.

*Dear reader, if you have any view or comments do not hesitate to send me an email on; chikwanhat@dailynews.co.zw.

Comments (71)

People have unhappy marriages because they do not do what Prophet Makandiwa termed pre-marital investigations and good marriage foundations.

tawanda - 26 May 2014

Very good response! Marriage should be based on love. And for you to be able to love you must have God in you because God is love. So basically if you don't have God in your life you cannot love. Look at it this way, we have people that do not know the ways of God at all but still they are getting married. So what do you expect from a relationship where both or one of the partners does not have God in their lives. There are two kinds of love, eros and agape. Eros applies to erotic love which exists between male and female. And agape is the love that everyone should have towards everyone no matter their sex, religion, denomination, political affiliation to name a few. But here comes the problem, most people, heathens to be precise have one kind of love which is eros. They dont have agape love. Because if someone has agape, they would not lift their hand to beat up their wife, they would not be drinking alcohol, they would not cheat on their wife, they would treat others with due respect.

tawanda - 26 May 2014

We are marrying for the WRONG reasons

Side Effects - 27 May 2014

I think today's people are too selfish. Believing in Christ or simply going to church does not make one a Christian. Christians live Christ's life & such people are very,very few these days. No Christian is self- centered to say the very least. The married so-called Christians indulge in so many small houses. Polygamy will never end adultery.Adultery is ever in the minds bedeviling people who practice selfish ness.The same goes for promiscuity or fornication.

RUDOIBOFU - 27 May 2014

It's a misguided notion that only christians are capable of loving , what of Hindus, Muslims, Traditionalists and people of other religions. How many stories do we read everyday of Pastors and Bishops engaging in lustful relationships, raping women and even divorcing their wives?

Dr Know - 28 May 2014

@Dr Know- If you are a christian it means that you believe in Christ and christ means the annointing, and Christ is love. So anyone who doesnt believe in Christ is devoid of love. And also to be a pastor or bishop doesnt mean that you are christian because we have pastors and bishops that are sent by the devil and are misleading people

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