Are marriages fake institutions?

HARARE - Are marriages fake institutions or are they simply outdated?

This is a question I am sure many would love answered concerning the institution that has been there since the time of Adam and Eve.

Although people have been getting married since ancient times, mystery still surrounds the institution which almost every young girl and boy aspire to get into at one point in their lives.

Facts on the ground reveal that almost half of the marriages end up in divorce and the other half which remain intact are not happy unions.

This week I made it my mission to find out why almost all the single people I know are engaged in fervent prayers to find their soul mates while those who are married wish they were single.

Brian who has been married for the past 13 years said that given a second chance, he would have remained single and that if he divorces, he would never remarry.

The man who is married to an exceptionally beautiful and intelligent woman, whom most single men on the prowl would fall over each other for, spoke in glowing admiration of his single friend.

“My friend Peter is very happy, he has several children with different women but he is never stressed about anything,” Brian said.

When I suggested that Brian could be putting up a brave face in public but was lonely at home, he laughed it off.

“Thelma, the man is not lonely he can have any woman he wants any time,” he said.

This statement also got me thinking; “don’t men ever get to a point in their lives when they just want to be with that one person forever like most of us women folk?”

After further probing I discovered that men and women behaved differently in relations. Men like the hunters that they are; love the chase and after catching the prey, the excitement dies down.

For women on the other hand the bond with their partners grows stronger with time. This in my opinion is why a man can be madly in love with a woman today but 5 years later he will be looking elsewhere for love and affection.

This unfortunate turn of events makes one believe that maybe the European politician who once suggested that marriage licences should expire in 7 years was right.

It seems to me that loving someone… you know the kind that give you butterflies in the stomach cannot last for more than 5 years, for a man that is.

I have known Brian from the time he was single and I witnessed his courtship and eventual marriage.  They were so in love and up to know I seriously don’t know what happened.

Another friend George who has also been married for 6 years and keeps a mistress on the side told me that he loved his wife but was no longer attracted to her.

He tried to explain how that was possible in so many words but I could not for the life of me understand what he meant.

I could not understand why a person would go through the whole process of marriage knowing that it would be impossible to keep ones vows.

Why do people get married in the first place?

Human being by nature love to possess and that is why people get married. There is so much fear out there to lose the one you love and therefore people see marriage as the only way out.

Marriage in itself provides a false security for a relationship because leaving is more difficult once people are married.

I am however not saying that marriage is a bad thing because the institution was established by God the creator of heaven and earth whom I worship.

It also has many advantages, for instance, it makes child rearing easier and it also takes into account the issues of sharing of property among other responsibilities.

Marriage also provides companionship, love and affection but it is very important to marry for the right reasons.

I have often heard single people say they wanted to get married because they were afraid of being alone.

It seems to me that people get into marriages with the hope that it will fulfil an unmet need in their lives which is a very misleading factor.

Some even marry for financial security.

I am convinced that people who have never been alone and people who are not independent should put on hold plans for marriage until they have given themselves time to really discover who they are.

Only when one truly knows themselves can one truly appreciate differences in another.

There is also another twist to this marriage issue.

Zimbabweans have sort of caught on to what I term ‘wedding fever.’ I know quite a number of people whose only motivation for marriage is ‘the wedding’ with little consideration for the responsibility that come with it.

Most young men and women are so fascinated by the whole wedding business such that they just want to wed because of the festivities, beauty, glitz and glamour which characterises weddings.

There is this hunger to just have a wedding that most couples totally disregard the whole essence of the nuptials because all they dream of is having the most talked about event.

Comments (26)

Kusvika maziva how the devil operates you will always suffer in the areas that you dont know about him. Prophet Makandiwa vanogara vakazviparidza wani? Marriage is an institution that was started by God and for the writer to even suggest its fake tells volumes that she is ignorant about what marriage is. And to go further, we must understand that for the devil to fall from grace it was a result of rebellion and opposing God. So what we have to then understand is that whatever God started it will always be fought by the devil. If God instituted marriage, then the devil will attack it. If God wants you to be healthy, the devil will bring sickness. If God wants you to prosper satan will simply afflict poverty on you. and the list goes on. So until you know how the devil operates, you shall always be on the receiving end. Paul says, For we are not ignorant of the devil and his devices lest he take an advantage over us. And its unfortunate that 98% of people are ignorant of his devices

tawanda - 19 May 2014

writer doesnt know about marriage

honai - 19 May 2014

UNOPENGA IWE MUNYORI, KANA WASHAYA ZVEKUNYORA REGEDZA MHANIII!!! MUNOTITSAMWISA MHANI VANHU VANONGODA KUNZI VATAURA. HW CAN U SERIOUSLY THINK THAT THAT THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE IS FAKE!! ARE U CHALLENGING GOD'S PLAN?? MUSANGOBVUME KUSHANDISWA NEMADHIMONI MHANII. YOU WILL GIVE ACCOUNT.

Dr COOPER - 19 May 2014

God created earth and rested ,created man and rested,then He created women , nobody has ever rested since then !

the analyst - 19 May 2014

I am constantly amazed at the number of numb skulls that we have around us.The writer never said that marriages are fake.Re-read her article,she pauses a question to readers,''are marriages fake institutions ?'' And she goes on to dissect the types of marriages found today and the foundations they are built on.All her observations are factual. Some marry for money if not most,etc. And to the other over zealous cult member,please,learn to quote bible verses and speak of God's requirements rather than idolize your pastor.

MUKANYA - 19 May 2014

The relationship between Christ and the Church is likened to a marriage, where Christ is the groom and the church is the bride. So if one wants to see how they should relate to Christ, just look at a Godly marriage, the picture is right there. However, because the satan does not want to see people in a right standing relationship with God, he distorts the picture of that relationship which is marriage. That is why now this writer and many others are now questioning the authenticity of this institution, perhaps the only one that transcends culture. That is why people in marriage behave in a way that does not portray marriage in the correct light. That is why even the gay marriage movement is growing around the world. I'm not sure what the writer means by the phrase "discover who they are", I just think that the social structures that existed in the communities to safeguard such institutions have weakened. Might I add that this is the case in all cultures. So in Zimbabwean culture, the aunts and uncles who would ask the hard questions to young people no longer have as much of a forum or they just wait to speak at the bridal shower or some such event. There is no impartation of values that comes from having a relationship and a natural mentorship which is not superficial. Some in the church are trying but others being such a bad example there too. As one who is a follower of Christ, I believe that if the two parties in a marriage genuinely work on their relation with Christ as individuals then there is a good chance that the marriage relationship will work. For those that do not follow Christ, as in everything else, I don't know how they do it.

harare2294 - 19 May 2014

It is indeed true that marriage is likened to the relationship between Christ and the church. Today many Christian marriages do not reflect that as the demands made upon the wife by the men's family makes one almost no better than a slave. marriages should be built upon love and respect other than a set of cultural rules which are no longer relevant in today society. if man can accept woman as their partners and love them without expecting woman to do all the dirty works whilst they promote laziness and idleness this will go a long way in woman appreciating their husbands. Woman in turn should love and respect their husbands. this will go a long way in establishing health marriages.

i kaseke - 20 May 2014

MUKANYA YO ARE RIGHT. VARI KU COMMENTA AVA VANENGE VANE DZUNGU.

KK - 20 May 2014

There is never any partnership or relationship better than marriage.Yes some marriages end up in smoke depending on the people concerned & the foundation of those failed marriages.Some pple are so selfish that they always think only abt their own happiness without due care for even their marriage partners. Such pple are very unlikely to live long in a marriage.Quite frankly,talking against marriage is talking against God & some pple just don't care who God is.Of course pple who marry for selfish reasons such as money or fame won't last in a marriage.Please we should not confuse true love with infatuation. Most pple of today are of loose morals.These pple are concerned abt making money&chase fashion as if these things are more important than their very lives.To them,sex is just a casual game designed only to satisfy feelings. WE JUST CANNOT CONDONE SU CH STUPID,IRRESPONSIBLE & RECKLESS ATTITUDES. It is therefore very wrong to expect good marriages from pple who do not respect marriage in the first place.

MAKANETA - 20 May 2014

There is never any partnership or relationship better than marriage.Yes some marriages end up in smoke depending on the people concerned & the foundation of those failed marriages.Some pple are so selfish that they always think only abt their own happiness without due care for even their marriage partners. Such pple are very unlikely to live long in a marriage.Quite frankly,talking against marriage is talking against God & some pple just don't care who God is.Of course pple who marry for selfish reasons such as money or fame won't last in a marriage.Please we should not confuse true love with infatuation. Most pple of today are of loose morals.These pple are concerned abt making money&chase fashion as if these things are more important than their very lives.To them,sex is just a casual game designed only to satisfy feelings. WE JUST CANNOT CONDONE SU CH STUPID,IRRESPONSIBLE & RECKLESS ATTITUDES. It is therefore very wrong to expect good marriages from pple who do not respect marriage in the first place.

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ORIGINAL - 20 May 2014

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ORIGINAL - 20 May 2014

Mukanya wasvotwa nei? I am just quoting or reciting what the prophet taught us. Inga wani kuchikoro muno quota mascholars wani?

tawanda - 20 May 2014

Waste of space and time, headless and tailless article.

reason - 20 May 2014

@Tawanda unenge sascum wo iwe. Whats being talked about here is a comment on the issue at hand, iwe waa kumhanya kuno quota Makandiwa, pambotaurwa zvaMakandiwa? You also do not seem to know the rules of quoting my friend, you do not quote from every Jack and Jill, no! Dai wa quota Baba Guti zvaitombova nani pakuti vane Doctorate Degree, he is actually Doctor Guti, not these Makandiwas, Angels, Magayas and many other fake prophets who are always bent on making money, I am sorry you can not quote these people.

fortune - 20 May 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MC1WJLlkCwY Fortune thank for citing Dr Guti but can you please watch this video of prophet Makandiwa healing people at Dr Guti's 90th. And by the way, doctorate pazvinhu zvemweya hairevi chinhu. Kana iwe nehubeni hwako unogona kungoiitawo. I am equally entitled to quote anyone I want and it i not our duty to judge

tawanda - 20 May 2014

@Fortune , chimbosiyai zvekuvenga Makandiwa mutore zvaanoparidza pamwe mungangobatsirikawo. You can see the sense in my first comment but you just do not want to acknowledge the source

tawanda - 20 May 2014

I am sure this Thelma auntie is not married. Her thinking makes her seem like someone who has never been married and has been unlucky in love. While it comes with its own challenges, just like any other relationship even friendshipp, marriage is good and being in a successful one is an achievement, blessing. Ask god for your own marriage.

observer - 20 May 2014

We shud instituionalise polygamy izvi zvingatinetse

protestor - 20 May 2014

Marriages are not fake and are not outdated but the truth is that as people we now have a choice to get into it or to live on our own,unlike yesterday where this was forced to women,the power to choose we now have and not all of the people prioritize marriage.

Siba - 20 May 2014

Can we say then marriage is a haven or prison?

sister - 20 May 2014

Protestor usade barika ukadaro iwe!

Ninja 3 - 20 May 2014

There are 52 women for every 48 men. If the 48 men need 2 women each, that makes demand for women to be 96. 96-52=44 women short. So how are those men managing to have at least 2 women each?

Che Guevara - 20 May 2014

I believe with the writer because people should know that there is a relationship between a man and woman .The bible says rooranai mugowanda sejecha regungwa. You only increase in numbers if there is relationship , love between a man and a woman nothing else to change this.

WATYOKA T . S. - 20 May 2014

kkkk..........Truth hurts. Amazing how folks are responding. The writer is only saying facts ...... and they sound reaaal. kkkkk

kkkkk - 22 May 2014

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